Kissing Parlor

Verified against the spelunky.ai port v0.1.10 on 28 October 2026.

Its Shopkeeper welcomes the player with "WELCOME TO DUKE'S KISSING PARLOR!", his name one of 32 drawn at random, and "$10000 A KISS. PRESS P.", the price on level 2 ^{[6] [7] [8]}. It has no wares on its floor: a Damsel stands near him, for sale, and the shop's lamp is red ^{[2] [9] [10]}. Like every shop it's a side room off the way through a level, and its level has no other Damsel to rescue ^[11].

The pay key, in the shop and within 16 pixels of the Damsel, buys a kiss when the player has the money and isn't holding her: the price comes out of his money and he gains 1 heart ("NOW AIN'T SHE SWEET!"). She kisses him, a heart rises over them, and she goes back to waiting ^{[12] [13] [14]}. Kisses can be bought one after another, a heart each, as long as the money lasts. Without the money, the pay key gets "YOU NEED $10000! GET OUTTA HERE, DEADBEAT!", and a thief or a killer of Shopkeepers gets nothing ^{[15] [16]}.

In the clip, on level 5, with the Ghost a Crystal Skull summoned close behind, the player runs back into Lazlo's Kissing Parlor and pays $25,000 beside the Damsel: she kisses him, and his 1 heart becomes 2 ^{[17] [18]}.

The Damsel herself is for sale too. Picked up, the Shopkeeper names her price, three times a kiss's ("I'LL LET YOU HAVE HER FOR $30000!"), and the pay key buys her ("YOU MUST BE IN LOVE!"): she's the player's, to carry to the exit and rescue like any Damsel ^{[19] [20]}. Without the money, he puts her down and is told "YOU NEED $30000! GET OUTTA HERE, DEADBEAT!" ^{[21] [16]}.

A kiss costs $10,000 on level 2 and $5,000 more for each level after it, and the Damsel three times that ^{[22] [23]}:

The price rises faster than any ware's: a ware costs 10% of its base price more a level, a kiss half its level-2 price more ^[24].

The Shopkeeper sells the Damsel as a ware (the General Store has the rules every shop shares): he names her price while she's held and follows the player about the shop ^{[25] [26]}. What is the Kissing Parlor's own is the shout for hurting her, "HEY, ONLY I CAN DO THAT!" ^[27]:

The Machete's slash hurts her without angering him, until it kills her ^[32]. The whip's crack only makes her hop, and she lies stunned where she lands, as any Damsel does (A whipped Damsel's hop as a throw) ^[33]. Angered, he frees her with every other item, and attacks ^[34]. In the clip above, the player cracks the whip at the Damsel while she kisses him; the Shopkeeper shouts and shoots him dead ^[17].

Carried out of the shop's room unpaid, the Damsel is stolen as any ware is: the Shopkeeper shouts "COME BACK HERE, THIEF!" and attacks ^{[35] [36]}. The player is marked a thief into the next level (the General Store has the rules). When he leaves the room before she does, she goes to him as if bought, and the end-of-game statistics count her among the Damsels bought, not the items stolen ^{[37] [38]}. In the clip, on level 2, the player asks for a kiss without the $10,000, picks the Damsel up, can't pay the $30,000 for her, then picks her up again and walks out with her; the Shopkeeper shoots him dead ^[39].

A level from 2 to 15 that rolls a shop builds one of seven kinds, each as likely, so a shop is a Kissing Parlor one time in seven, in every area and on a Yeti lair level too ^{[40] [1] [41]}. A Temple sacrifice pit level, which has a Damsel of its own, rolls one of the other six ^{[42] [43]}. The Mines has how levels roll shops. The Black Market has none ^[44].

• The source calls it the "Kissing" shop ^[2]. Its sign shows a pair of lips, and its lamp is the game's only red one: the other shops' lamps are the plain kind ^{[9] [45]}. Breaking the block it hangs from brings it down as a red lamp to carry ^{[46] [47]}.
• Playing as the Damsel, the one for sale is drawn as the Spelunker, a man, and the messages say so ("I'LL LET YOU HAVE HIM FOR $30000!", "NOW AIN'T HE SWEET!") ^{[48] [49]}.
• The end-of-game statistics count the kisses bought ^{[50] [51]}.